How I Use Love Languages in My Marriage

My husband and I don’t speak the same language when it comes to love. When it comes to displaying our love, he and I are literally using different love languages. Sometimes I look at my husband and ask myself when was the last time I showed him I loved him. Sure, I can easily tell him how much I love him, but to me, saying it isn’t the same as showing it. It is why I depend on love languages in my marriage.

A few weeks ago, we took a love language quiz for the fifth time since we started dating five years ago. Our answers haven’t changed at all, but it is a good reminder of what makes us feel loved and how to connect.

The funny this is that my husband and I are complete opposites. My love language, in order, is receiving gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. My husband’s love language list, in order as well, is physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

So yeah, our love languages are opposites.

But using love languages is so beneficial for our relationship. I am guilty of showing him love the way I want to receive love, and he the same. Knowing this information about each other allows us to communicate our love, needs, and wants much better.

Defining Love Language

Love languages is a simple concept: it described how we receive and gift love from others. Whether it is from a spouse, partner, friend, or family, we all have different love languages. I cannot remember the first time I heard about the love language, but I always knew how I show my love. For me, I always go crazy with gift-giving because I always want the receiver to feel the love I put into the gift. Whether it is a birthday, wedding, baby shower, or just because, I will spend days planning out an elaborate gift that showcases my love and how much I care. One example is my husband’s Christmas gift. He had just gotten a job offer a few weeks before, and I wanted to get him something practical. Well, I spent hours brainstorming in my journal what I could get him and spend DAYS looking for a well-made leather messenger bag he could use for work. I put so much priority into my gifts, and that is why.

When I first heard of love languages, I went straight to the source: a website by Dr. Gary Chapman. He is the author of the bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages, and his website is filled with tons of information on the Five Love Languages.

The Five Types of Love Languages

As you read on the header, there are five types of love languages. Each language allows us to express our love to others and makes us feel the most loved. Understanding your significant other’s love language allows us to feel closer by bonding us, strengthening our relationship, and allowing us to connect emotionally. Knowing this essential piece of information will be so useful in your marriage.

Acts of Service

Definition: Acts of service are showing your partner your love by doing something for them. Basically, you are going out of your way to do something that will make their life better or easier.

Examples: 

  • Fill up their gas tank without asking.
  • Do the laundry before your partner even asks. 
  • Bring them lunch without asking.

Tip: Don’t make this person feel like they are doing everything or not following through with promises dealing with service.

Quality Time

Definition: Spending time without any interruptions, AKA giving them your undivided attention.

Example:

  • Going on a trip with no technology.
  • Taking them out on a date.
  • Not multitasking when holding conversations. 

Tip: If you take them out on a date, don’t be on your phone. Please turn off the phone, and put it away. Give them your full, undivided attention.

Words of Affirmation

Definition: Telling your partner that affirms your feelings towards them. They want to hear praises and genuine compliments from you.

Example:

  • Tell them how beautiful they look.
  • Leave them a note telling them how much you appreciate them.
  • Encourage them often.

Tip: Be careful with the words you use around them. 

Receiving Gifts

Definition: Giving a gift makes your partner feel extra loved.

Example:

  • Get them surprise gifts: flowers, chocolates, and cards.
  • Gift them something custom and special for big dates: birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day.
  • Taking time to plan a thoughtful gift that will mean something compared to a generic gift.

Tip: Keep a calendar with all the important dates so you won’t forget.

Physical Touch

Definition: Whether it is sexual or just physical contact, human connection is built through touch. They want to feel you.

Example:

  • Giving your partner a back massage.
  • Wrap your arm around them when sitting nearby.
  • Give them hugs when arriving or leaving.

Tip: Non-verbal cues are essential in this type of love language. Even small gestures, like kissing their checks or putting your around them, mean a lot.

Using Love Languages in Marriage and Relationships

Finding your love language isn’t just for your significant other either; it can affect your relationships with family and friends as well. Learning what you, and those around you, can help strengthen the relationships by properly being able to show love as well as understand your own needs. 

And once you find out those love languages, find out ways to show your love using their language. Hug or hold them; bring them something from a trip to the store, or leave them a cute note in their lunchbox telling them how much they mean to you. Get creative with how you use love languages in marriage and relationships.

Ensure you communicate your answers with those in your life to start conversations on their expectations and thoughts on their love languages. 

Finding Your Love Language

If you are interested in finding your love language, you can find quizzes on Dr. Chapman’s website. There is a quiz for couples, teens, children, and singles. Find out what your love language is, and if you’re comfortable, let me know what you got.

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